Catching Up

I've been a complete blog slacker lately! I guess I'm still learning how to keep up two blogs. Life has also been pretty quiet lately, so there hasn't been too much to blog about. I also got selected to be on the jury for a murder trial, and it pretty much consumed my life for about 3 weeks!

In an effort to shake off being a blog slacker, I thought I'd catch you up, and hopefully get back into the blogging swing of things again!

Here's a little bit of what's been going on in our lives, over the past month (or so;):

Hanging out ;) :
Losing weight, and getting healthy:This is me, about 22 pounds lighter!

Getting home injections:
(I tried getting him to smile...)I was taken off my medicine a couple months ago, so they can be all out of my system, by the time we start trying to get pregnant. I was on Remicade, which was an infusion I got every 2 months. Now, I've switched to a home injection called, Enbrel, that I take every week. It only stays in your system for about a week, so it's safe for me to take until I have a positive pregnancy test. I just started the home injections a couple weeks ago. Because I was on jury duty, I couldn't go to my doctors appointment, where they were going to teach me how to do the injection myself. So, Joe had to go in my place, so he could learn how to give me the injections. I don't know if it's harder on me, or Joe! I think I can stand pain more, when I'm the one in control...in other words, I don't think I'd act as much like a baby, if I were the one doing it! Every time he takes the injection out of the fridge, I seriously run away, and freak out like a 5 year old! Once he calms me down, and I'm brave enough to have him poke me with a needle, his nerves start to kick in! The whole process probably takes 20 minutes, when it should take 3! I think he feels bad that he has to be the one to poke me. It probably doesn't help that I cry like a baby. Hopefully I'll get better (braver) with time! I do like the fact that I can take them at home, instead of going to the doctors every 2 months, and getting hooked up to an IV for 2 hours! But, I'm also allowed to be more of a wimp at home! I never acted the way I do at home, when the nurses put an IV in my hand! I'll get better ;)

Lots of dog baths! :I think we have to give the dogs more baths during the winter, then in the summer...or it at least seems that way!

Dates with my sweetheart:
Spending time with fam:We've had Ben, Idealia, and little miss Kismet over a couple times for dinner. It's always nice spending time with family. We've been collecting lots of toys so kids can actually have fun when they come visit us! Kismet was entertained the entire time, and we only brought up about 1/4 of the toys! (Which is probably a good sign that I should stop buying them now. I think we have enough!:)
One of the nights they came over, Ben and I had a craving for some Gallacheritos (did I spell that right?;), so we HAD to make them for dinner! They were good, but something was missing compared to when Dad makes them. Maybe it's the fatherly love he puts in the sauce ;)

And playing Monopoly Deal! :LOTS of it!
I got Joe this game for Christmas, and we have seriously played it every single day since! Sometimes we play round after round! I started out strong, but Joe is currently whooping my butt!

So that's what we've been up to! Lots of relaxing nights at home together, more then anything else. I think the cold weather makes you just want to stay home, sit in front of the fire, and watch TV shows! With the warmer weather, our blog should get a little more interesting! My mind is racing with everything I want to do this Spring! I'm SO excited!

I Have A Lot To Think About...

On Thursday, I had a doctors appointment with my orthopedic surgeon. I have been having a lot of problems with my knee, and I thought my meniscus was getting caught again.

I told him about the problems I had been having, and he sent me to get an x-ray. A few minutes later, I returned back to his office. He put my x-ray up on the computer screen, and up pooped a image of both my knees side by side. He put his hand over his mouth, and gasped.
He sat in his chair, and wheeled up close to me. He leaned over and looked down at the floor as he whispered, "I wish I could tell you that I have a miracle treatment I could give you, but I can't." He then looked up at me, with a look on his face like he was about to tell me my whole family just died in a horrible accident. I thought to my self "You're about to tell me I need another scope...not that big of a deal. You're kinda over reacting here Doc." Then he said in a very soft voice, "I'm sorry, but you need knee replacements. You just can't put it off any longer." I giggled, trying to mask the fact that it was taking all I had not to start crying uncontrollably in his office. I replied back by saying, "I thought I just needed a scope."
I asked him what had changed from 3 months ago when he told me I needed replacements in a year or two? He answered by explaining that my knees have gotten worse since then. He went back to the x-ray image, and pointed out to me that in my left knee I have a tiny bit of cartilage left, but in my right knee, it's pretty much completely bone on bone. Looking at the image, I was horrified. there was no space at all, it was truly bone on bone.
I felt angry. Here I am on very powerful medicine in the hopes that things will get better! I've been going to the doctors every 2 months getting Remicade infusions for 2 hours, in the hopes that it will keep things from progressing, and it hasn't done a thing?!! I have been feeling miserable because of all the medicine I'm on, and it's all been for nothing?!! How can my knees go from bad to worse in just 3 months, when I've been trying like a mad women to keep them from getting to this point?!
He continued to talk to me, in a very compassionate voice. He said that it would take him 3 months to make the model for my knees, and then I will have the surgery.

I walked out of his office, repeating to myself "Just make it to the car Brittany. just make it to the car!" Just as I was about to get in the elevator, I realized I couldn't make it, and I rushed to the bathroom. As soon as the door was shut, I cried, and cried, and cried. I pulled my self together enough to walk out to the car. Once that door was nice and shut, I sobbed.
In the middle of my sobbing, I realized I needed my rock.
I called Joe on the phone, and he explained that everything was going to be OK, and that he would be by my side no matter what. He told me everything I needed to hear to make me calm down.
I'm so lucky to have him.

Getting knee replacements in it's self isn't bad. It would completely take away the pain in my knees, and I would be able to do things I haven't been able to do in years. Things like, walking for long periods of time without pain, running, riding a bike, getting down on the floor, and so many wonderful things that I dream about doing. The knee replacement would help me to be the mother that I want to be. I'd be able to run and play with my children. Every time my doctor gives me any kind of news, my children are one of the first things to come to my mind. I don't know them yet, but I love them with all my heart.
I want to be a good mother to them.
I want to be a healthy mother for them.

The bad part to getting knee replacements, is that they don't last forever. They usually last 10 years, before they start to break down. When they do, something from the replacement gets released into your body. When that happens, your body will start to attack the replacement. When your body attacks it, the bone that's attached to the replacement starts to melt away. Once that happens, it's time for another replacement. After the 2nd one, your bone is usually too damaged to be able to attach a 3rd knee replacement.
I will probably have 20 years of good knee replacements, and then they will have to take them out. When they do that, they simply fuse the two bones together (the femur and the tibia), and you're pegged legged.

If I get the knee replacement now, I will be pegged legged in my early 40's.
4o is so young. Not to mention, I would loose a good 3 inches off my height when they take them out.

I need to decide if I'm going to get knee replacements in 3 months, or if I should go against my doctors advice, and hold off as long as I possibly can. I feel like I can take more. Yes, I'm in a lot of pain, but I can take more. This is too serious for me to wimp out. I need to hold off until I can absolutely no longer walk.
On the other hand, I want it now. I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to sit around and wait to be in more pain. I want to be able to enjoy this time in my life. I will never be 22 again. I'm in my prime, and I want to embrace it.
I want it for Joe. He deserves to have a wife, that can do things, and who isn't held back by pain. Even if it is only for 20 years.
We should be able to be young together.
I have a lot to think about.

When I was growing up, my Dad used to tell me "If you're going to say something bad about someone, say 3 good things about them first." I've always remembered that, and I usually remember to apply it :)
A little while ago, I decided to switch it up a bit.
Whenever something bad happens, or something you're not happy with happens in your life, think of at least 3 things you're grateful for.
So...here I go.
*I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father. I know that he gives us trials because he loves us and wants us to grow. I'm grateful that he has given me this trial. I can already see all the ways it's helping me to grow, and become more like him. My faith has gotten stronger, and has been tested. My compassion for others has grown. My love and appreciation for my husband has grown. I've pondered, and understood the atonement more then I ever have.

*I'm grateful for my family. Yesterday (A very tough day for me), we had family home evening with Joe's family (Every Monday we have family home evening just the two of us, and every Thursday, we have it on skype with his family). They made me laugh, which was the perfect medicine for me. I love that they're always making me laugh. They showed me their support and compassion, which was very comforting to me. Joe's Mom had also sent me a b-day package that I got on Thursday. In it she put little pick me ups to look at when I was having a bad day.
It came just in time.
I'm grateful to all my family. I love them all so much, and it's nice to know I have people who love me.

*I'm so very grateful for my husband. I really don't know where I'd be if I didn't have him. He is always there for me, and he is always by my side. Through the good times, and the challenging times. He doesn't have to be. He's handsome and successful, and I'm sure he wouldn't have a hard time finding a beautiful healthy girl to marry. But he doesn't want that.
He wants ME! He loves ME!
He gives me so much love and support. He is always there to help when I need him, even though he just had a long day at work. He makes me a better person. He is always there to give me a big hug when I need a hug. He is always there to listen to my cry. He's always there to calm my fears, and tell me everything is going to be alright.
He's my rock.
I love him.
And I'm SO grateful for him!

*I'm grateful that I'm not dying of cancer, or something more serious then just needing knee replacements.
Things could be a lot worse, and I'm grateful they're not.